Luna Lures Lucius
by K. M. Fosgan
Summary: This was is a one shot written for April Fools Day. Where Luna convinced Lucius to be in Hogwarts Cabaret night.


**Luna Lures Lucius (into her Cabaret line**)

"Lucius," Narcissa Malfoy called, "Come quickly I have a surprise for you."

Lucius came down the stairs of Malfoy Manor and found his wife speaking to a rather strange looking girl who appeared to be about the same age as his son Draco.

"Lucius this is Luna Lovegood and she is here to make your life long dream come true."

"She knows Barbra Streisand!" Lucius exclaimed.

Narcissa sighed, "No not that dream."

The strange girl spoke for the first time, "Hogwarts is having a Cabaret night and we want you to be the star."

"I never wanted to star in a Cabaret night." he looked back and forth between Luna and Narcissa, "Who told you such a thing."

Together Narcissa and Luna said, "Everyone."

"I simply do not know what you are talking about. I don't even like Cabarets."

"Don't be silly darling." Narcissa said, "You remember the night you proposed to me? At first I was unsure if I really did want to marry you but then you told me about your deepest desire to be a Cabaret performer and I knew we would be together forever. If you tell me you don't feel that way anymore then out whole life together has been a lie. Also you should know I'll be keeping the house in the divorce settlement."

Lucius was panic stricken, _I don't remember ever expressing interest in Cabarets. But them again I was inebriated the night I proposed so maybe I am forgetting something. Of course I can't afford a divorce. _"Ah yes well at first I thought you might be joking and I couldn't imagine the disappointment if you were pulling my leg."

"Lucius, may I call you that?" Luna asked, "I have your routine all worked out. But what we really need to think about is wardrobe. How do you feel about spandex?"

"Um … well."

"Come with me." Luna said.

Quickly Luna ushered Lucius to a room filled with costumes. First he tried on a orange bustier and matching underwear with knee high boots. Luna vetoed the first outfit. Next he tried on a pink lace evening gown with a matching feather boa. After several more vetoes from Luna, Lucius tried on black suit vest and sparkling boxer briefs that were short enough to let his garter belt show.

"That's perfect I'm amazed. You have great legs you know."

"I do don't I." Lucius admired himself in the mirror. What are we doing with my hair?"

"That's the spirit. Come look at the wigs selection. Which one feels like it is calling your name?"

Lucius looked over the wig selection. Finally he pointed to a red bobbed wig. "That one."

"Perfect!"

The rest of the day they practiced Lucius routine.

"No. No. No." Luna cried, "it's flap, step-ball change."

Lucius tried again.

"Much better. Let's take a break."

They sat and talked for a few moments before Luna said, "Listen I've been meaning to tell you, you won't be able to see the audience. The lights on the stage are so bright you can't see beyond the end of the stage."

"Well I suppose that will help with the nerves."

Before long it was time for their final rehearsal. "You wife will make the announcement and she and I will

be waiting in the wings."

Narcissa Malfoy stepped out on the stage. "Ladies and Gentleman. Death Eaters and Aurors, I give you Lucius Malfoy."

Proudly Lucius stepped out on stage. He sat down on a stool and made a very dramatic pose. The music started and Lucius sang and danced his heart out. When the song ended Lucius expected applause but instead there was complete silence. Lord Voldemort stepped on stage, "What is the meaning of this?"

The house lights came up and all of the Dark Lords supporters, Ministry of Magic employees, and the members of the Order of the Phoenix were present.

Voldemort once again spoke, "You are here to accept the award for the Most Subdued Evil Dude, and you come out in lingerie and sing? What do you have to say for yourself?"

Lucius removed his wig and stuttered, "I well …you see … Looney …"

In the wings Narcissa Malfoy and Luna Lovegood were quietly chuckling.

"Here as promised, twenty Galleons." Narcissa handed a pouch to Luna.

"You know what keep it. This was worth doing for free. Why exactly did you want to play this prank?"

"To teach him a lesson."

"What did he do?"

"He borrowed my lipstick without asking."


End file.
